Quarter to Ten, Half Past Six

[7 Dec 2018 - Quarter to ten]

"Should I ask him?", I spoke in my head.

My eyes aimlessly staring at the gray sky outside my window. The sound of the rain was drowning the indistinct voices of the people talking non-sense over the noon time show. The room was dark except for the blue light that was coming from the TV, my laptop and my mobile phone that was laying beside me.

"What if they got my e-mail address wrong?"

I was talking to myself inside my head again. Still staring at the nothingness outside. The rain trickling down the glass of my room's window.

"Should I check my junk mail?"

I shifted. I turned around to swing my consciousness back from the desaturated colors of the outside to my dimly lit room. And as I moved, my leg grazed my phone that was lying beside me.

"Maybe they're just not finished selecting the seven yet?"

I looked at it for a moment and then lifted it. A bunch of word strung together was displayed on the screen. Cursor still blinking as if I hasn't decided yet if I was already finished typing my message or not.

The room was brightly lit by a quick burst of lightning. The swift flash of light from the sky illuminated my long face. A rolling thunderclap followed and I suddenly tightened my grip on my phone.

And when the silence was back, I lifted my thumb and placed just above the blue paper airplane button as if I was still hesitating.

"Hey. There's no harm in asking."

Convincing myself that there's nothing wrong with what I was doing, I then let my finger land on the blue paper airplane button and tossed my phone aside , quickly turned off the TV, shut the lid of my laptop and drowned myself onto the sheets of my bed. My phone left unlocked, screen was still glowing and the message reads…

"Hi Zee. I didn't receive any message from you today so I take it that I wasn't chosen for your Masterclass. I guess I just need to hear it from you so that I can have some kind of a 'closure' and then onto figuring out my steps into this journey after taking a breather from anything about stocks. I know that you have the Trader's Summit today so please send me a message when you have the time. Thanks...

I just have to figure out my next step after this, with the ZFT's lock down, I'll have seven months to study and to better myself so that when the next window opens I'll be ready to try again...

This is just a temporary setback. I just have to make the most of the lock down and be better the next time ZFT's doors open. I have faith that this will pay off eventually."

Yes. It felt like crap.

I wasn't chosen.

Zee replied 2 days later making the agony of waiting much worse.

And you know what's worse than waiting?

My wife and I were having a go of what's the worst that can happen with my application while waiting for Zee's reply.

"It'll be more of a bummer if you got shortlisted with the thirteen people and then didn't make it on the final seven", my wife jokingly said.

Now, guess what?

That's what exactly happened.

"Pasok ka naman na sa shortlist. So that's one thing na maganda about it. We had to painfully say no to a lot of other deserving people as well.", Zee replied.

Then the Task happened. And if you've been reading most of my blog entries, you pretty much know what happened after and what didn't.

One of the important lessons I learned recently is that there are no positive or negative events in life. There are just 'experiences'. You create your reality by how you interpret or process the events in your life. Events can be seen as a tragedy or an unlimited source of opportunity. You can be optimistic about it, learn from it and quickly move on or you can choose to go back to your old self and be miserable. Don't let your set backs consume you. Get back up and try again. Set backs should be your source of motivation. Remember, no matter how small your progress is, you are still way ahead of those people who didn't even bother trying.

So how did I deal with this set back?

I didn't stop.

We will fail. We will get rejected. We will screw up. We will face set backs. But that's okay so long as we learn from them and move on to a new path towards the same goal. The biggest mistake that we can make is to just give up and accept that we are not made for it. Don't let set backs stop us. Just don't stop. Keep the momentum. Start again. Fail again. Fail better. If we really want to succeed in life, if we really want something to happen, if we want to be great at something, if we want to fulfill our dreams... failure and set backs are inevitable.

I maintained a positive vision of my self.

I visualized my success. I still saw myself managing our Airbnbs, getting dusty working on a fit-out project in my workshop, and being a good father and a husband. I thought of my life outside the 'matrix' - and yes, I still saw myself as a profitable trader.

It is imperative to remind ourselves why this is important to us. It is so convenient to just give up. But giving up means losing our goals. Think of our whys and start again. Aim for progress, not perfection.

I didn't lose my mindset.

I made several hasty decisions during my application in preparation of being accepted in the class. But you've probably read by now that getting in the class didn't happen for me. I ended up with a few months of alone time when I sent my wife and kid back home. What then? I accepted that things may not go according to my plan and my timeline. There's no single path to success, they say. So I adjusted my plans, made my alone-time worked for me and proceeded with focus on learning and improving myself. I made the variable change count.

I asked for help.

I may have not gotten a mentor. But it didn't mean that I'm not allowed to seek help from other mentors using the power of  social media. It was like having a pool of indirect mentors. Some didn't reply to me at all. Some took ages to reply. But most are accommodating. Also, having Blueprint was helpful. I get to chat with students and mentors. Not only in the servers but I chatted with them privately. I guess two of the important factors for them to be interested to reply and indirectly guide you are (1) Ask intelligent questions. Intelligent questions almost certainly get an intelligent reply and (2) Show them that you are worthy of their time. Show them your effort. Show them that you took action from their advises. Show them your results.

I built my support network.

I would not be here where I am today had I not have the support of my wife. My wife, who is my loudest cheerleader, gave me and still gives me just enough space to learn things on my own.

I also got myself an accountability partner. Having one pushed me to be consistent in developing my routines and habits. One tip that I can give you is that to get an accountability partner that is more senior than you and a person who you don't want to let down and be disappointed. Someone you look up to. So that you will be ashamed of disappointing them when you didn't do what you said you'll do.

I prepared myself.

I focused on learning, not in earning. I stopped trading real money. I redirected my energy towards learning the process and self-improvement. I focused on one setup and used virtual trading. That way, I have gathered my data without the risk of losing more money. The bonus part is, it pushed me to develop my trading routines and habits that would help me to be a good trader in the future. I also pushed myself to get active in Blueprint and participated in Q&As and discussions. I attended Rift Live and acquainted myself with traders from my area. I attended  the 2-day Technical Intensive to learn more of the ZFT system. I dedicated my time and resources for learning and improving myself.

To sum it up, I prepared myself for the day that I always believed was coming.

[20 Jun 2019 - Half past six]

"Kasama pala si Ned sa natanggal last week", I sadly told my wife the news as I grabbed my chair.

I sat at the opposite side of the table and put my phone down.

"E di' ba kapapanganak lang ng asawa niya?", my wife worriedly asked. Putting down the bowl of steaming rice she heated from the microwave oven.

"Paano ka?" she quickly added. "Eh mae-expire na yung two-year-contract mo sa katapusan..."

I felt her getting anxious about the news that I just told her. I was also feeling the same way.

Contract expiring in a couple of weeks without any updates or news of renewal. Twenty eight people just got let go. Who wouldn't panic?

Ding!

My phone screen lit up. The vibrate was felt across the whole table.

An e-mail was received.

I quickly glanced at my left side where my phone was and noticed a familiar word on the name of the sender.

I paused.

Still staring at the unexpected message.

The clock said 6:39PM.

I felt excitement from the message but at the same time I felt worried by the dooming news from work.

For a moment I thought of picking up my phone and read the whole message.

My left hand twitched. My mind hesitated.

And then  a few seconds later, the glow from the screen of my phone started to fade...

...and the notification slowly vanished on the dimming screen until it went completely dark again.